The Journey

 The dreaded scale seems to have such a hold on so many of us, and perhaps it's grip is so strong because the number reflected back is a representation of our own mortality. We're told that carrying excess weight comes with a plethora of undesirable side effects and health risks including increased risk of mortality...but how to lose the weight, is possibly one of the most controversial topics talked about amongst doctors, health coaches and influencers. 

When it comes to losing weight, there are so many methods being touted on shows, being sold by companies and talked about in magazines. But how do you know which is the right one for you and which one will even work? This has been a question I've been trying to find the answer for, for practically my entire life. 

 I was eight or nine when the weight started to creep on steadily. Of course I had very little knowledge or awareness of what was happening. I was focused on being a kid, naturally! I led a reasonably active childhood filled with bike riding, roller blading, climbing gigantic pine trees, long walks, and playing on playgrounds. Phones existed as a device attached to the wall that would solely be used as a means of verbal communication (imagine that!). We didnt have hand held devices that kept us inside all day glued to them. We largely did not have any video games aside from the occasional computer game that came on a CD-ROM. Playing a video game was a pretty rare event for me or my siblings. It was expected that after our day of homeschooling, we would go play outside as long as the weather allowed. 

I had five other siblings and as time went on, it became more and more obvious that I was the only one really accumulating so much extra weight. I remember feeling intense shame and having crippling panic attacks whenever it came time to visit the doctors office for the annual physical. My blood pressure numbers would be through the roof from how terrified I was. Anxiety was definitely an issue as evidenced by the stomach ulcer I had developed when I was about 10 or 11. I'm fortunate that never resurfaced in adulthood.

I don't remember eating that much more than my siblings. We were typically all served the same thing and for the most part we were not allowed to go into the fridge or cupboards for snacks in between meal times. We still tease our mom about her famous response "if you're hungry have a piece of fruit". Of course, we had treats on a regular basis too but I seemed to really be the only one constantly gaining.

As I entered high school, in an effort to slim down, I tried not eating for as long as I could, which usually would result in voracious hunger and then indulging in way too much food. I remember we used to watch the show the Biggest Loser which was based on bringing a large group of overweight individuals to a ranch where they would be assigned a coach. What they ate, how much they ate and how much they exercised would be micromanaged leading to massive amounts of weight loss in a very short period of time. Sometimes they would show contestants passing out from being over exercised, dehydrated, or underfed. By the end of the season there would be one winner who looked like a skeleton of their past self. They would look gaunt and sinewy but they were thin! 

A few months to years after the season was done, I'd see a magazine showing pictures of previous winners who had gained a large amount of weight back since winning the show. Looking back, the show had a very unhealthy emphasis on results rather than getting the individual to their desired weight safely and permanently. The show is heavily criticized and some of the trainers now speak out about how they wish things were done differently and acknowledge the harm that was done to the contestants. Without yet understanding how harmful this method was to the contestants, the show served as my model of how to drop a large amount of weight.

Even though the techniques in the show were not the best, I still was motivated to try exercise and diet more than ever and when the opportunity arose, I joined my friends at a local gym and learned how to lift weights. I started to see weight loss and increased muscle mass and was encouraged. I became more motivated the more results I saw, that I pushed myself to a point where I was eating a mere 1,000 calories a day and then go work out at the gym (side note: my calorie requirement to lose 2lb/week at that time was about 2,000 calories/day). I got to the point where I was dropping 0.5lb a day! My hunger was like nothing I had ever experienced and some days I would lose the battle and binge. But I'd get right back on track. I ended up losing about seventy pounds and I started to really like what I was seeing in the mirror. But I got to the point where I could not keep up with the energy output and low energy input and I burnt out. I decided to "take a break" and went back to eating normally. The pounds came thundering back with a vengeance and within two years, it was all back with the addition of ten pounds and it just kept coming. 

By now, I was in college under more stress than I'd ever experienced. My undiagnosed anxiety and panic disorder really amped up and I started to get panic attacks at school and during classes. It felt like I was having a heart attack and I remember feeling like I was going to pass out so often. This led to a few months of sleeping on my parents floor, terrified of my own mortality and feeling like I was just going to drop dead at any second. I was afraid to go to school every day, I hated being alone, and focusing on my studies in biochemistry was next to impossible. There were a few times where I almost dropped out of school and I can't thank my parents and heavenly father enough for the support that carried me through those dark days. 

My last year of college, Covid-19 hit and all in-person classes were cancelled as well as my graduation. I decided I did not want to take more vaccines, especially with the state my mental and physical health were in and so that ruled out the medical field as a career for me. I transitioned to full time work at my local grocery store and just enjoyed being free of school for the time being. 

All the while, I was still experiencing weight gain, severe respiratory infections, high blood pressure, anxiety, migraines and frequent headaches as well as back pain. By this point, I had tried weight watchers, meal plans, cleanses, exercise. Nothing seemed to work well or permanently and with each attempt I would get more disappointed and discouraged, so I started to accept I may never lose the weight and I needed to make the best of it. I was still very much interested in medicine, the human body and health though, so I sought out podcasts by doctors, YouTube videos and science papers that talked about weight-loss and health topics. 

In 2021, I applied for a corporate position at the company I was working for as a food labeling technician and was so excited when they decided to hire me! I was so encouraged and hopeful for what the future held, but the downside was, I would no longer have an active job. I was very active in the store, putting away loads, on my feet all day, with lots of walking and lifting and now I had a desk job. 

To drop some weight, I decided to sign up with a trainer online. His program focused on volume eating, increased activity and accountability. I was able to lose around 30 pounds in just a few short months and I worked harder than I ever had in order to lose all of that weight. But I could not afford to pay for the program forever. Once I went off the program, I slowly lost steam and ever so slowly the weight came BACK on. One day the following year, I experienced excruciating back pain that left me unable to move. After IV Toradol, I staggered to my bed and made my way to urgent care the next day. It later became clear that I had experienced two vertebral disc extrusions going in opposite directions which left me severely physically impaired for the next year. Walking was excruciating, sitting was unbearable, and sometimes laying down was agony. There were many nights I didn't sleep, and I missed out on nearly everything that year. I was incredibly blessed to be in a job that allowed me to work from home and at a snails pace, the pain subsided and I worked really hard at controlling calories since I wasn't moving at all. Luckily, I hadn't gained more than five pounds or so during the time but no doubt there was a lot of muscle loss and I felt weaker and more discouraged than ever. 

It took a long time to rebuild my back muscles and core to where standing and walking didn't hurt anymore. This lead up to 2024 when I developed cellulitis in my left shin from swelling due to a medication switch. After a trip to the emergency room, and four courses of antibiotics later, the infection was gone but now I had erythema nodosum (EN), a painful inflammatory condition characterized by firm nodules typically on both legs which can be caused by illness, antibiotics or be idiopathic (meaning no cause is identified). The dermatologist decided to put me on a 16-day regimen of steroids and twice daily Aleve. The EN improved a bit but I was still experiencing swelling, pain, redness and discomfort. After a trip to the doctor for routine labs, I received a blood test that diagnosed me with Diabetes II. I spiraled into depression for a few weeks but decided I needed to fix this somehow. I researched everything I could about Diabetes and natural cures. I bought a glucose test kit and cut out all sugar. I ate very low carb and no sugar for a while and then incorporated sugar only in very small amounts. Several months later my blood tests showed I was no longer in the diabetic range and that was without any medication and I also lost 20 pounds (During the holidays no less)!

My weight loss stopped after the initial twenty pounds and I decided I needed some medical help to assist in my weight-loss so I began researching GLP-1 agonist medications in great detail to understand exactly what they are and how they work. I finally came to the conclusion that I would give them a try, seeing as I could benefit greatly from the medicine and more importantly, I knew it wasn't a quick fix but a tool to enable my body a chance to get back to baseline and to help my hormones regulate. I am now on a weight-loss medication at the lowest effective dose and I am seeing consistent weight-loss (finally!) and I feel better than I have in years. Combined with healthy eating, increased movement, and supplements, I believe I will reach my goal within the next two years.

The purpose of all this information is to provide a background of what I've been through and how all of these experiences have pushed me to research human health. Specifically how food and our environment seem to be contributing to disease and mortality. Along with my drive for answers and my food labeling career, I have learned so much that I feel will help others and I'm compelled to share it. I think so much of my journey will resonate with those who feel ashamed of extra weight or have been plagued and frustrated by disease and sickness. I want you to know that there are so many factors that contribute to weight gain, disease, and mental health issues and I hope this blog will give you the tools you need to make practical changes for a healthier and happier life. But I also hope to give you a voice to effect change in our world as it applies to harmful ingredients that should not be allowed in our food, water, and everyday products, as I believe they are a big part of why America is dealing with so much sickness and chronic conditions.